Oh, you're deploying?

So, apparently I am a very bitter person...a friend I trust told me this recently, and I've been thinking about it a lot lately. I will write another entry on this later, but for now:

What to Say to Someone Who's About to Deploy (at least if it's me)

So it's been an interesting process getting ready for this rote in my current squadron, since they don't deploy. My mood varies from day to day, so I've been trying to observe myself when people find out and try to commiserate. I've been trying not to vent on people. It's hard.

Responses so far have included things like, "Wow, you're life sucks," (not great, but at least it's honest and exactly how I felt at that moment), "Awesome, that's cool! Kill somebody for me!" (generally from my very young enlisted troops who haven't deployed before...reminds me of me before my first rote (minus the killing part)), "Well, the money's good, right?" (see further notes below), and many preceded by, "Wait, your squadron doesn't deploy..." (to which I often sarcastically reply, "No, it doesn't. I do.")

One that gave me a wry chuckle was, "Well, it's only for a few months, right?" I laugh because that is what I used to tell myself when I thought I could handle anything. And it's true, it is only a few months, but I've been saying that since 2003. That statement is simply a way of rationalizing settling for what you can get, which is fine...when it really is only a few months. But it's not. It's been five years and it will be five more, and this is my one and only life as far as I know, and I'm not satisfied with settling for what I can get out of life on a slow internet connection in a prefab building in the middle east.

So, why does the money thing suck the worst? Because nothing compares to life in the U.S. with my friends and my family, nothing. And I have missed out on a lot of that over the last five years. And like most folks, I certainly didn't get into this business for the money (interesting tangent for another time, is the military a calling? Is it mine?). I got into this business to make the world a better place (even saying this aloud now makes me grin a mean grin...so naive). The money was incidental...so to say that the good thing about my job is the money is really to wreck the one thing that used to motivate me. It makes me a mercenary.

I think the thing that would make me the feel best would be something like, "I'm sorry to hear that. We'll have to get together before you go for a beer/dinner/party. If I can do something to help, now or when you are on the road, let me know. Send me a postcard!"