Humor

I highly recommend today's XKCD, gave me a great laugh!

XKCD

RE: SecDef Gates Did NOT rip the AF at Maxwell Today

An interesting first person perspective on the recent comments by SecDef Gates.

tags: opsec, disclaimer, air force, history, letters

-----Original Message-----
From: X Maj 46 ERS/CC
Sent: Thursday, April 24, 2008 4:18 PM
To: 46 ERS OPS ALL
Cc: X Maj 332 AEW/PA
Subject: FW: SecDef Gates Did NOT rip the AF at Maxwell Today

All,

Here's some clarification from someone who was actually there. We can't always believe what we hear in the media.

-X
________________________________
From: X USAF AETC ACSC/AY08 STUDENT [mailto:X.X@MAXWELL.AF.MIL]
Sent: Monday, April 21, 2008 18:55
To: X USAF AFSOC 3 SOS/CC; X USAF ACC 432 WG/CC; X J6C/J6CS; X USAF ACC 432 OG/CC; X A3/5/AFCSO; X USAF ACC 17 RS/CC
Subject: SecDef Gates Did NOT rip the AF at Maxwell Today

******Click Bar at top of email and switch to DISPLAY AS HTML*********

Sirs,

Did you hear the news today that said "AF Gets Scolding Over War Effort (CNN)" or "Gates says AF Not Doing Enough In Iraq (Associated Press)"?

In case you were wondering . . . that is NOT WHAT HAPPENED.

I was in the room (with about 1000 friends)--and I was awake-- no one left the briefing thinking that the SecDef was upset with the AF.

He did say a few things like:

- The AF did not want UAVs in 1992

- "We can do more" . . . but he said it very casually like we can always do more

- He very very briefly mentioned that he has been working on getting more UAVs/ISR . . . but this was a very small point in his entire brief

- Mainly he challenged us to think outside the box (like Col Boyd w/ the OODA loop)

The CNN article is completely out of context. His brief was very positive, uplifting, and even motivational.

Two theories racing through the school:

-- possibly he pre-released his negative speech and then changed his mind at the last minute

-- or CNN pre-wrote this speech waiting for him to say something close enough to trigger this negative article about the USAF

Sec Gates' theme was to challenge Air Univ (and the students) to think of smarter ways to deal with future conflicts-not to reprimand the AF.

This is an accurate story of what he talked about from the SecDef Website.

This picture was taken from the brief this morning and is indicative of the tone of the brief (in the background is Lt Gen Lorenz - AU CC). It does not look like he is reprimanding the AF to me . . . and he didn't.

"Now you know, and knowing is half the battle"
-- G.I. Joe, A Real American Hero

v/r

X

[minor edit after post to integrate links, erase carriage returns, add tags.]

reindeer, april fools

Some interesting excerpts from a running series of letters with Sharon:

Her:
I really like your new haircut! You look nice in a military style haircut. I used to get my hair cut on base but stopped going.

So tell me a story about your military experiences. Do you ever go crazy being around so many men?

~
I bought some reindeer from him and they pull me to class because there is so much snow and ice that I don't want to drive in the coldest months.

I have a fun idea. Since it is April 1st tomorrow why don't we change our relationship status on fb and pretend we are dating for one week as a joke? Todd will be so baffled, especially because we live so far apart. :) If he asks I can say that I am now pregnant as well. :)

Me:
I'm game on the prank, status changed my end. I'll change it back on 7 Apr. Yes, do tell him the pregnant part, the distance factor will boost my already considerable reputation for virility .

~
Hmmm, military experiences. I don't know about "go" crazy, we pretty much "are" crazy about women. I am working on a blog entry about it, but sometimes the best part of my whole day is hearing a woman's voice on the radio.

I had a female pilot friend deployed with me at one point. She was taxiing out one day and making a radio call to tower and in the background as the tower controller was talking to her you could hear someone in the background with a Russian accent say, "I love you!"
(We were in Kyrgystan, a former Soviet Republic, so the Russian accent made sense.)

For a genuinely crazy story, try this one out. I had never heard of this before getting here, but apparently there is a serious problem with male-male rape in the US army over here. Not that surprising when you compare this place to prison, bunch of dudes all crammed together for 15 months, isolated from the rest of the world they knew, with the added pressure of being shot at quite often.

Her:
Todd has now changed his status update-look at the one before.

Please don't tell anyone we both know that this is a joke until a week from now. ...for one, is sure to be surprised if he notices.

So are you also being shot at all the time? :( I wouldn't be able to sleep if that was me.

~
Just to keep you updated this was the message I just sent Todd:

Yep, Dave and I have kept our illicit relations a secret for a while. We don't see each other very often and sometimes we can't talk that regularly because of his schedule and the time zone differences. So we tried being friends but we are just too attracted to each other when we meet up. The pregnancy wasn't planned...I am normally very careful about these things...it was one of those I drank too much New Years surprises. I always wanted to be married first...oh well. We are talking about setting a date soon.

~
Oh my gosh! My doctor friend just cooked up this ultrasound picture with our twins! Completely wild! It even has my name on it. I even fooled a bunch of other people without meaning to.

In case you are wondering, I haven't lost my marbles. But I think we have taken April Fools to another level!

~
I find the thought of you being shot at quite upsetting and I find it hard to believe that you get used to it. But I will try to believe you...

Me:
It's interesting that you say that about getting shot at. There's a Chili's down the street from my house that I eat at a lot, so I've gotten to know a few of the waitresses. I was walking out a couple days before I left and I mentioned it would probably be awhile before I saw her again because I was going to Iraq, and I think I ruined her day. She got all sad looking...I felt bad, but I was really surprised because we didn't even know each other that well.

Well, you do get used to it. Most of the time I sleep through it now.

Her:
Sure, I will send you a postcard. It might have to wait until after final exams in May though. What is your address? Will you send me a postcard too? I have never gotten one from that part of the world.

My undergrad degree was in Psych and I learned how there is a stronger connection between couples who meet when they are young. The divorce rate goes up by 20-30% I think if you marry a person you meet after you are 25. I read about this a long time ago so my figures might be off. There is some kind of connection that forms when people are young which cannot be replicated later in life.

Me:
Interesting info on relationships. I was considering doing psych for my masters. I wonder if the reason for that is physiological (i.e., the brain is younger so the connections are more enduring), or learned (i.e., when you are older, you've met more people so each relationship is less unique.)

Her:
About your hypothesizing-the first reason is correct.

Jeez, your address looks like it is on the moon or something. There isn't even a country!

And when we call it quits don't try any funny stuff. :) You only get one kid and half the reindeer.

mIRC

We use a chat program here called mIRC that allows to talk to all manner of folks for all manner of reasons. I obviously can't talk much about operations, but needless to say, chat rooms allow for all for all kinds of miscommunications, both amusing and rage inducing. Some of the most proficient chat typers in the world are probably the average high school age cell phone owner and a whole bunch of military folks over here. See mirc.com.

Some relevant chat abbreviations, far from a complete list:

c: copy; this means, "I understand what you just said."

ty: thank you

yw: you're welcome

tyvm: thank you very much

rog: roger; means the same as copy

sb: stand by; I heard you but stop talking for now, I will get back to you when I'm done with a more pressing matter.

.: people will often use a period to check if they are still connected to a room and see what their nick name is. Sometimes in moments of boredom, these will become running jokes such as...

~
redhead_42:.
killer-mc:..
oddjob_mcc:...
~

We generally run things in rooms, where multiple people can read and write things to the whole room, but you can also talk one on one via a method called whisper which looks the same as a normal room, but only you can the other person can see what is typed (unless the chat is logged, which it often is). You can also give the room you are in a title, which provides an additional way to communicate. This can be for relevant business, or just a joke, more often the latter on nightshift. A recent room title: Bear Blasting, the sport you'll invent because you'll be too energetic for normal sports! (See entry on Powerthirst.)


[originally started this entry 29 mar 08, added to it 30mar08, 10 apr08, 12apr08.]

random ambiguity measure

I've started using the tag "disclaimer" on posts where I am deliberately altering information (OPSEC, gender anonymity). The trick to this is that while I may omit or alter information, the tag itself is an indicator. It's rather like pleading the 5th: while you can legally avoid incriminating yourself, you have shown the other side where to start investigating.

So it is much more powerful to use a certain element of random ambiguity. John Boyd loved to tell a story about a group of German troops who were retreating from Normandy. Seeking to confuse the Allies, they began reversing every road sign they came across. The Americans following in their path realized after a few such errors that all the signs were reversed and just began to do the opposite of what the signs said. The point of the story is that certain deception is no deception at all. It would have been much more effective, Boyd said, had the Germans only reversed a third or a quarter of the signs. Then the Americans would have had to double check every turn.

Poker offers an interesting analogy to this. What's a bluff in poker? When you play strong even though you think or know you don't have the cards. The trick is that over many hands, your opponents will eventually call many big bets or bold plays. If they call your bluff enough, they will know most of your big plays are bluffs. To introduce uncertainty then, you can't bluff that often, and most of your strong plays have to be based on real cards. Then your opponents will have to allow for the possibility that you are telling the truth.

There is also an element of this in random searches at airports. While you might think it possible to get something past the general inspections, there is always the chance that you will randomly get tagged for the more thorough searches.

I have often wondered at an application of this principle to the spokespeople for companies, organisations, movements, etc. If you always tell the truth, you may sooner or later have to tell an unpleasant truth. This may lead you to try to avoid a question. If this isn't artfully done, you may end up drawing more attention to the very thing you are trying to conceal. If you flat out say you aren't going to answer, you have the same problem as pleading the 5th. On the other hand, if you are willing to lie (as say, most big companies are willing to do), you will use a lie to cover an unpleasant truth. But when the truth comes out, as it often does (Enron anyone? Baseball steroids, Bear Stearns, Savings and Loan scandal, payola, quiz shows, etc.), your reputation for truthfulness is tarnished and now your opponents and concerned citizens will know if there's a suspected wrongdoing and you're reporting all is well, they will start to investigate. In other words, your lie has lost its power. (To return to the poker example, you have to tell the truth the majority of the time, or lying is not just ineffective, but counterproductive.)

In either case (trying to be truthful or willing to lie), the more powerful position is to not answer all questions, but to set aside a small percentage (1 in 10? 1 in 20?) and simply not answer them of the basis of creating ambiguity.

tags: opsec, disclaimer, history

Greetings from Iraq 12 March 08 (zulu+3)(293 words)...

A pretty boring letter, but I put all of my energy into the blog and I just wanted to send it so people would know where I was...

*For those of you getting this for the first time, I try and send out a
*little update about once a month to keep in touch with folks. Please
feel *free to read it, skim it, or ignore it. If you would rather not
get it, let *me know. See x
*for more info.

Greetings from Iraq 12 March 08(zulu+3)(293 words)...

Hello everyone!

I have arrived safely in the combat zone! (oxymoron?) I have been hard at work and already gotten a lot better at the launch and recovery process from constant practice. The upside to UAV ops is that you can predict and schedule operations better, since missions that go longer don't prevent a crew from going home to crew rest, since the plane can be landed by someone else. The downside is, it means you can fly your crews 12 hours a day, every day, and we have been. The squadron here is pretty small here, since all the mission work is done from the states, so I am getting to know the folks here pretty well.

The location here isn't too bad. The chow hall is outstanding, tied for the best chow hall from my entire career. The flying is challenging and fun so far, and there's decent amount to do with our (scant) free time.

On my way over, I was able to briefly meet up with Amy x while stopping in Germany. I also got to hang out with Amanda x when stopping at the Deid, the 40th's rote was over and they are now safely at home. (Interesting note, I deployed the same time as the 39th...I can't get away!) So far here, I have tracked down Scott x, and run into Frank x and Jeff x, all still in the Herc world.

I have been blogging quite a bit, please see the address below. I also included a link to my SIPR blog, for those with the means. I'm out of time for this letter, so I'll send this and write more later.

If you would like a postcard, please send me an address!

fair winds,
d

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Handcrafted emails by:
Witt, David-USAF
xxx
xxx
david.witt@xxxxxxxxx.af.mil
DSN 443-6454
blog:
http://iloaktree.blogspot.com
SIPR blog:
http://www.intelink.sgov.gov/blogs/david_witt
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
---,--/O\--,---

Nowhere to run, nowhere to hide
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A Florida couple, both well into their 80s, go to a sex therapist's office.

The doctor asks, 'What can I do for you?'

The man says, 'Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?'

The doctor raises both eyebrows, but he is so amazed that such an elderly couple is asking for sexual advice that he agrees. When the couple finishes, the doctor says, 'There's absolutely nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse.' He thanks them for coming, he wishes them
good luck, he charges them $50 and he says good bye.

The next week, the couple returns and asks the sex therapist to watch again. The sex therapist is a bit puzzled, but agrees. This happens several weeks in a row. The couple makes an appointment, has intercourse with no problems, pays the doctor, then leave.

Finally, after 3 months of this routine, the doctor says, 'I'm sorry, but I have to ask. Just what are you trying to find out?' The man says, 'We're not trying to find out anything. She's married and we can't go to her house. I'm married and we can't go to my house. The Holiday Inn
charges $98. The Hilton charges $139. We do it here for $50, and I get $43 back from Medicare.

--message ends--

tags: email, deployment, humor, opsec, history

flight suit zipper; towel; gender anonymity

I was going to the bathroom today and I was zipping up my flightsuit afterwards and I suddenly realized that it was the first time I had worn that flightsuit. The zippers on new flightsuits often catch, because they are made of metal and the edges haven't been worn in, like a new key. You have to run the zipper a couple of times to make it run smoothly. This is a little embarrassing the first time if you are wearing it, because you have to stand there struggling to get the zipper down, looking like you don't know how to control your own pants. (Fortunately, I was alone in the cadillac.) (Also, for those of you wondering why I would struggle to get a zipper down, the flightsuit has a full length zipper running from crotch to neck that opens at both ends, so when you go to pee, you pull the bottom zipper up to open your fly and down to close it again.)

I got some new desert flightsuits from my old squadron two years ago after my last deployment. The desert ones can be hard to come by, so I grabbed a few when our resource advisor had some cash to spare. I felt a little guilty about it at the time, since I was planning on that being my last deployment. The Air Force, of course, had other plans for me (or maybe it was karma for getting some gear I didn't think I would need). So despite having it for two years, today was the first time I had worn this particular flightsuit.

In other embarrassing bathroom stories (and this one is literally bare ass), I recently forgot to bring my towel with me to the shower in the morning (2200L for me). I didn't realize this until I was already done with my shower, of course, so I had to dry off with the only dry piece of cloth with me, the scrub pants I sleep in. The rest of my PT gear would be useless for this purpose, being made completely of nylon.

On gender anonymity. Given the ratio of women to men in the Air Force (~1:6), I will occasionally use a male pronoun falsely when telling a story about female friend if I am trying to hide her identity, because to even say "she" puts her in such a sparse demographic that it would be easy to figure out who she is.

Okay enough for me today, can barely keep my eyes open. Can't wait to find the spelling and grammar errors I've probably missed in this entry.